[ST] I'm Depressed... Will I End Everything?

Name: Adilah Miswan
Class: LGB6B
Semester: 6
Title: I'm Depressed... Will I End Everything?
Word Count: 454
Category: Story
Brief Summary: Making the decision to stay alive or end all suffering.

"It's just sick now, the way people kill themselves to end their suffering. That girl... she was only 17 years old. Dead now, like the rest of them depressed people."

Alyssa shook her head and passed the newspaper article to me. A 17-year-old girl had jumped from her 10th floor apartment after receiving her SPM results. To me, her results were good enough to pursue further studies but to her... it wasn't. She considered herself a failure and opted to end her life. Such a waste of brilliance.

I pushed the paper away. That bit of news reminded me of my own depression. Although it had nothing to do with my academic life, its effect on me was almost as crippling. Put in layman's terms, I was feeling abandoned.

I don't know how it happened. All of a sudden, my 'dark side' was coming out, telling me in snide tones that no one cared about me anymore, no one wanted me. I, having low self-esteem, believed every word and fell into the dark abyss, deeper than I cared to. At times, I put on a brave front and tried to occupy myself with work, but it never succeeded. When midnight came, a wave of self-pity would wash over me and I would cry myself to sleep.

No one really knew the extent of my depression. Not even Aidan, my boyfriend. God knows how much he had to go through. What with my hot temper and ridiculous behaviour... Only He can repay Aidan for his never-ending patience.

I tried to tell them. Honestly, I did. But the words never seemed to come through. Or if it did, I never said how badly I was affected. At some point, I wanted to slit my wrists and be done with it. Why not jump out the window, like what that girl did? The snide voice said, goading me. Good thing I valued my life more.

Unfortunately, when I should have surrounded myself with supportive people, I pushed away my friends. I walked out on them. I left them behind and made them puzzle over my abrupt change in behaviour. No doubt I made them angry too. As much as I wanted to mend fences with them, I couldn't. No words would suffice.

It took me the parting of our ways to show that my depression was nothing but a figment of my imagination. I realised then how much I missed by shutting them out. Regretting it all would be useless, although it served to teach me a lesson in being a friend.

Suicide brings nothing but grief to the family and retribution in the afterlife. Depression is best handled with company. At least the burden is lighter.


EDITED BY: Ummi Farhana binti Zainuddin

[PT] Life Ain't Sweet Outcasters

Name: Adam Ar-Rashid
Class: LG2201A
Semester: 1
Title: Life Ain't Sweet Outcasters
Work Count: 223
Category: Poem
Brief Summary: Thoughts Of An Outcast
Other Details: -

Reality means nothing, perception is everything
We try to deny it but it won’t cling
The saying, the words we try to take it for granted

Because in our head it isstill flustered
Should we care about all of the filthy thoughts?
They don’t even know us, isn’t that an obvious odd?
They said we are the doubters, but we do believe in God
But still, their perspectives and speeches hurt, a lot

Maybe we don’t belong, maybe we're just the exiles
Trying to fit in, but the world is another play of a child's
Maybe it’s them with constructed minds
Or it just us that's too blind to find

WE DON’T HAVE the right path to go
WE DON’T HAVE the right voice to mellow
WE DON’T have the perfect click to follow
WHAT WE HAVE IS JUST a cute cover to blow

We try our best to fit in
Still all of the efforts are blown away and drowning
Still people see the worst of us
They Lust for more and we start to fly dust

It’s time to seize back what's ours
The rightful mark to be belong and fuss
ALL WE WANT IS Society membership not TO BE freaks
Can we, or can’t we? it's just another break
Another swing we must alert ON To be apart, NO you! To be heard Upon


EDITED BY: Maisarah binti Ahmad Kamil

[PT] Hope Is Just Another Dying Faith

Name: Adam Ar-Rashid
Class: LG2201A
Semester: 1
Title: Hope Is Just Another Dying Faith
Work Count: 276
Category: Poem
Brief Summary: N/A
Other Details: -

Throughout this unknown I tense to walk alone
Crossing air for any miserable do and don’ts
Still, the uncertainty blinded the faith of many
To the point where the right mind turn to another crazy

Left and right seems a lot alike
The understanding of it alone is a losing faith
Which directions need to be followed?
That's the million buck question left in dark hollow

Faith is not something sweet but with a lovely price
It’s one of the reasons why so many failed to thrive
Losing it is only the beginning of one’s Dark Age
Swelling numbers of converters into losing faith

Faith is not alone fighting the creatures of the dark
Side by side a further entity comes to make them both spark
Together they shoved the light into the darkest heart of elopes
It’s none other than faithfully equitable hand man, HOPE

A dying faith can’t stand alone in all this desolation
Hope ain’t that strong to give any handful resurrections
Hope is also a dead end but some choose to believe
Amalgamation of them both might bring the lost cause safe

But who we to judge to compare them both,
We are all damnation, all together, slave of the sloth
There’s always a magnifying darkness bloating in every single heart seized
What’s there left to deem in, faith is losing, hope if far of reach
Alone in the dark, some of us feel already comfortable with,
Just another reason that make us one of the lusting beast,
The battle of light and darkness is far from over,
It’s all on us to be whether free or bonded to the darkness forever.


EDITED BY: Maisarah binti Ahmad Kamil

[PT] My Sweet Lil' Blood Angel

Name: Adam Ar-Rashid
Class: LG2201A
Semester: 1
Title: My Sweet Lil' Blood Angel
Work Count: 372
Category: Poem
Brief Summary: A Break Up Poem
Other Details:

I never truly loved you
For God's sake I know it is true
Maybe I’m really blind or stupid, but it’s the right thing to do
Who cares, I just wanna be with you
My interests in you, it’s never cruel
Before I go to dreamland, I will always say “I love you”

Is my feeling to you love, I always wonder?
If it’s worth I’ll be willing to trade my soul to the soul trader
I love you so much, whenever I'm high or sober
Simple curiosity cross my mind if we’re soul mates
If it’s true, wow! It will be great
What if it’s not, my God hope it’ll not come true what I just said

Recently speaking I don’t really know what I feel right now
So many things in my mind, sorry I’m not willing to take a bow
I love you so much before, but I’m not really sure right now
We never fight at all, no such things as sorrow
We never share things, no offer for a borrow
I’m not sure our relation is love, today maybe what about tomorrow?

I really love you my sweet lil’ blood angel
It’s not I’ve someone else, but my heart right now, really fragile
I’m so sorry babe, my cute shorty, my sweet dream goodnight, my girl
So many things up in my head, my mind's been twisted and twirled
Maybe it’s good for us to keep the distance not just for now but for real

I’m sorry babe, maybe we are not meant to be
Maybe someone out here for you, or maybe I’m just being silly
I want us to be like before, when I say “I love you” daily
I just don’t want to know why but that's really rare lately
Maybe, maybe, maybe we should break up, really
I know this will break your heart, it hurts me too, I’m really really sorry

My sweet lil’ blood angel, I release you
Fly and go to the place you really want to
I insist I really do
Fly high and rip the sky in blue
Don’t worry about me, fate and faith will find me my real boo
It's just that, that boo it’s not you….

EDITED BY: Maisarah binti Ahmad Kamil

[OT] Heartbreak

Name: Adilah Miswan
Class: LGB6B
Semester: 6
Title: Heartbreak
Word Count: 304
Category: Other
Brief Summary: How heartbreak feels.


It's strange... After years of protecting myself from completely losing my head, I am defeated by the same weakness I spent so much time and strength avoiding. Just because I began to believe that love is the beautiful emotion that it is.

Don't get me wrong. Love is indeed beautiful. It probably is the most powerful emotion in this world. It can drive you to achieve great heights and do wondrous feats. It can also drive you to the other side, where all the darker deeds lie.

I shouldn't be so clingy, so unwilling to let go. I believe God has something better in store for me. It will happen when the time is right. But when you're hurting so badly, it's difficult to believe that, you know?

Sure, separation sometimes is the best way to go. To feel the lifeline sustaining you, your very purpose of existence, pulled away suddenly, leaving a huge hole under you, sucking you under, is something that you don't want to experience. Feeling lost is only the beginning.
Always being there for me isn't the same as losing that particular warmth and security when you're with a person. For instance, between a best friend and a partner, who would you run to with a problem first? For me, it's almost always the partner, because you know he will listen to you, no matter what. Why? He cares for you; therefore, anything worrying you will become his priority.

Losing that is hard enough. Losing the warmth is even harder.

I know that for now, being friends is the best option. Circumstances are not exactly ideal for a long-term relationship. It's how I deal with it that's important.

Now, I need to draw on the strength I know I have to wade through this and emerge a stronger, wiser girl.


EDITED BY: Nurul Afiqah binti Laili

[PT] Black Fury

Name: Adilah Miswan
Class: LGB6B
Semester: 6
Title: Black Fury
Word Count: 102
Category: Poem
Brief Summary: A dark poem about rage

Fury, that rages within me
Black fury, which burns everything in its path
O fury! rage! why do you burn so?
I do not wish to be angry
I want to be happy! Free!

How easily joy eludes me.

You, who spurn me like I am a leper
You, who laugh at me behind my back
Are you the friend I thought you were?

Spurn me if you will
Despise me if you want to
I don’t care! I don’t care!

Yes, I do care...

Fury, that rages within me
Black fury that burns everything
Burn thyself out and
Leave me be.


EDITED BY: Maisarah binti Ahmad Kamil